was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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