It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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