Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
40s are totally the cure
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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