as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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