He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
