Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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