if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
