if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
