Got a toothbrush?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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