I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
