She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
