you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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