she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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