Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
