Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
