Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
