My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
