I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Randomize
