oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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