you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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