How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
