this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
