:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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