I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
