Me. At least after what I've been through.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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