how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
