i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
