Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
