I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
