It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She bit a glass in half.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
