I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
