My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will pee on everything he values.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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