i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
