so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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