I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
