You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's always time for handjobs
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
