Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
