I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
