just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
