Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
