This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am one with the molecules
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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