I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
