It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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