my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
