At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
