New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love you.
Bad choice
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