remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
