I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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