The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
