We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
